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Suit Yourself™ International Magazine #59: Guide To Love 11 The Attachment

  

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Suit Yourself™ International Magazine #59

GUIDE TO LOVE Continues.....

Section 11:

  The Attachment

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The full TOC and Introduction can be found here: https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-49.html 

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For the Guide To Love Introduction & TOC:  https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-49.html
Previous articles can be found in our Library: https://suityourself.international/libraryindex.html
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Upon request, reprint permission and an addendum of substantiating resources are available for all articles. When requesting reprint permission or addenda, please include the issue date and full issue title. All articles are copyright © Debra Spencer, Suit Yourself ™ International. All rights reserved. ISSN 2474-820X.
 

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 I hope this series is enjoyable and useful to you!

Bisous!

Debra Spencer

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11  The Attachment  

 

There are many kinds of attachment,   

 

and some attachments  

 

are more healthy and mutually beneficial than others.   

 

 


Friendship, on the other hand, is fealty, commitment, dedication, and involvement.

 

It entails responsibility and requires cultivation, and may or may not include attachment.   

 

We have forgotten what friendship means, we have forgotten why friendship is important, and we don't know how to make friends, have friends, or earn friendship. 

  

 

We confuse attachment with friendship;    

 

they are not fungible.  

 

People conduct themselves very differently in a world where friendship is not valued or well understood.  

 

Taming is a complex form of friendship that includes attachment and the hopefully conscious consent of both parties; taming implies fealty, commitment, dedication, and involvement. 

 

Taming helps you to associate new experiences with older good memories,  

 

to create good associations for new experiences based on older good memories.   

 

The aviator Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wrote in his 1943 novel, The Little Prince, that one only understands the things that one tames.  He also wrote "You are responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." 

 

Be careful of what you allow to become dependent on you, and on whom you allow yourself to become dependent.  

 

Be conscious of this, be aware of this, and be responsible for this.  

 

 


Be wary of attachments you cannot seem to get rid of that you did not consciously invite. 

 

These are usually bad news.      

 

"Sticky burrs" require us to become people we would rather not be, in order to get rid of them. 

 

 

You know these garden weeds: they contribute little or nothing, never try to solve the problems they complain about, drain you and your resources, don't contribute yet always manage to take home something you did not give them. 

 

They take all the energy you're polite enough to give them, and they count on your pity, and on your being too polite to tell them off. 

Yet that's exactly what you must do because this behavior isn't open to negotiation. You must put your foot down.

 

 

Likewise, taming anything for your own selfish reasons is extremely damaging to the world, not just to the victims.  

 

Taming selfishly means establishing trust for your own convenience, to temporarily meet one of your own needs, and later, abusing that trust by wanting to be rid of the inherent obligations. 

 

You don't want to pay the Piper when the bill comes due.  Just as the Little Prince leaves behind his Rose and later deeply regrets it, you should feel guilty. You've abused the privilege of friendship. You haven't behaved responsibly.  

 


Fair weather people exploit others; 

 

they have no concept that friendship carries inherent obligations and entails responsibility.  

 

After all, nobody punishes them for abusing people and they don't experience compassion, remorse, regret, or guilt, or rationalize their behavior.  

They cavalierly dispose of burdensome relationships, 

discard pets, if they have them, in the middle of busy traffic intersections, abandon them in summer cottage rentals, or if the animal is lucky, at a vet hospital. They offer cash settlements in a divorce. They are the walking wounded, very charming when they want something. But discover what happened to someone who used to be in their life who is now missing.  Ask about gifts they gave; they demand to hold the strings in which all their presents are wrapped. 


They do not help others without also helping themselves first. You can teach most sane people how you want to be treated,

 

but you will make no headway with this kind; they have their own agenda and it doesn't include yours. You end up paying them for everything they "give" to you, including the privilege of  knowing them. Don't throw your pearls before such swine. 

 

 

On the other hand, not all attachments    

 

are bad.   

 

Friendship is a form of hopefully conscious consensual attachment,   

 

 

and includes one or more of the qualities of fealty, commitment, dedication, and involvement. 

 

Friendship entails responsibility and people have different ideas of what is meant by this. 

 

Invite possibilities over 

after you've done some research, 

never rely on someone else's research, 

and do your own ground work. 

 

 

Some rewards of friendship are very subtle; 

 

give the process patience, persistence, 

time, 

and attention. 

 

 

 

For friendship to even exist, a paradox must be resolved. 

Fealty, commitment, dedication, and involvement are all required to train a puppy.

 

An even greater effort is required to train any overgrown teddy bear 

very set in its' ways. 

 

 

The paradox exists because, as Antoine de Saint-Exupéry also said, "True love begins when nothing is looked for in return." 

 

Cultivate friendship just for the love of it. 

 

 

Thanks for reading.
 
Best Wishes,
Debra Spencer

 

 


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Suit Yourself™ International's GUIDE TO LOVE

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction 

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-49.html

The Awakening

 https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-50.html

Understand Your Needs

 https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-50.html

Find A Common Interest  

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-51.html

Announce Your Intentions  

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-52.html

The Hunt Or The Chase

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-53.html

Make An Impression

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-54.html

Offer Your Services

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-55.html

Come When Called

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-56.html

Mind Your Manners

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-57.html

Make A Move

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-58.html

The Attachment

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-59.html

Lay Down Ground Rules

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-60.html

The Lost Cause Impossible Situation

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-61.html

You're Never Too Young Or Too Old

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-62.html

Never Forget; Get Your Picture Taken Together

https://suityourself.international/appanage/magazine-63.html

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Suit Yourself™ International Guide To Love All Content is © Debra Spencer, Suit Yourself International. Technical Library FAQ Index ISSN 2474-820X. All Rights Reserved. Please do not reproduce in part of in whole without express written consent. Thank you.

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All Content is © Debra Spencer, Suit Yourself™ International. Technical Library FAQ Index ISSN 2474-820X. All Rights Reserved. Please do not reproduce in part or in whole without express written consent. Thank you.
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All Content is ©2019 Debra Spencer, Appanage™at www.suityourself.international Suit Yourself ™ International, 120 Pendleton Point, Islesboro Island, Maine, 04848, USA 44n31 68w91 Technical Library FAQ Index ISSN 2474-820X. All Rights Reserved. Please do not reproduce in part or in whole without express written consent. Thank you.

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All Content is ©2019 Debra Spencer, Appanage™at www.suityourself.international Suit Yourself ™ International, 120 Pendleton Point, Islesboro Island, Maine, 04848, USA 44n31 68w91 Technical Library FAQ Index ISSN 2474-820X. All Rights Reserved. Please do not reproduce in part or in whole without express written consent. Thank you.
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