Suit Yourself™ International Magazine #61: Guide To Love 13 The Lost Cause Impossible Situation



Suit Yourself™ International Magazine #61 GUIDE TO LOVE Continues.....

Section 13:

  The Lost Cause Impossible Situation


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 I hope this series is enjoyable and useful to you!


Debra Spencer



13 The Lost Cause Impossible Situation 


If someone wants to be part of your life, they'll seriously make an effort to be in it. No reasons. No excuses. Consider this quote from Carl Jung: "Where Love rules there's no will to power; where power predominates, there Love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other."


There can be no fear. The real question is not whether one person wants to be in another person's life, but whether or not both of you want to be in each other's lives.  


Relationships are yogas, and by "yoga" I mean that repetitive interchange to which you anchor yourself as process (yoke, attach, join, unite, combine, commit) in order to learn through the doing over time.


 Love is unconditional boundless infinite energy.  It exists in endless variation, without limits. I am not saying, nor do I mean to imply, that love has no ground rules.



On the contrary, love flourishes with ground rules, mutually developed to provide structure, in much the way a trellis supports an entwined vine to grow indefinitely.



Vines will certainly grow wherever there is light, however there is an enormous difference in the result without the guidance of a trellis.


This is true of any living thing, and is another meaning of the word "yoga'; relationships are yogas. Understanding grows in direct proportion to commitment to understanding. Love grows in direct proportion to commitment to love. I am not trying to "be clever" here but to be precise. Our culture has limited ways to convey these process concepts.


Love requires an open mind, not just an open heart. Impossible relationships can develop when older expectations overshadow present reality.


Occasionally, this is productive but mostly it's not; it's as if the window is stuck every time you try to open it. It's stifling, there's no elbow room, and less and less air to breath.


Eventually something has to give.



There are endless examples of resistance to love, however most are due to fear, either to a feeling of lack or a feeling of dread, and by "dread" I mean a specific focused apprehension or anticipation of something fearful. Impatience, greed, and arrogance grow from feelings of lack or inadequacy, and they act covertly. Feeling inferior, insufficient, is the root of focused dread, whether this manifests as humility, self-sacrifice, or victimization; these all act overtly. Each of these also has two sides, or polarities; for example, stubbornness can manifest as determination, or obstinacy. There are two sides to every coin. 


The ways in which fear can act covertly are quite devious.

Impatience, for example, can manifest as either intolerance or audacity, and both are distractions. Impatience as intolerance is unforgiving when results aren't discerned, while impatience as audacity, as daring, can impel a person to undertake bold tasks quite abruptly. Either can cause a person to lose interest before a project is completed, causing them to move on to another project before completing the first, never seeing the effects of their efforts, and reinforcing a belief that the original goal isn't attainable, or wasn't worth attaining.  


Fears not only distort your perception of your choices, they distort your perception of the facts, and thus they distort your responses and actions. They alter the natural pattern of life.  


It's one thing to have concerns and act accordingly.  It's another thing entirely to fear something the facts don't support, just because it happened once, under different conditions. It's one thing to know it takes time and commitment to build anything worthwhile; it's another thing entirely to do that. Fears distract you. Your actions can perpetuate the very problem your actions are trying to prevent. Thus the saying "Be careful what you ask for because you might get it." The Buddhists teach the four impediments to enlightenment as stupor, greed, anxiety, and pride-lust. 


Much of our world is a result of fear action/reaction, not love.

There are endless examples: service behind closed doors, being easily distracted, not finishing what is started, reframing a goal, justifying destructive choices and actions, forgetting what is important to others, confusing power with love, lack of trust in oneself and lacking belief in others, inappropriate protectiveness, fear of missing out, uncontrollable impulsiveness, self-justification, unwarranted suspicion, passive aggressive manipulation, projection, self-centeredness, laziness, indifference, inaccurate expectations, insistence on being right, insisting on one way, prejudice, bigotry, hidden expectations, worries about what others might think, martyrdom, cowardice, forcing someone to sacrifice one need to meet another, so called "gaslighting" etc. etc. etc. 


Love cannot honorably serve a corrupt master.


What does this mean?  Love cannot live in an impossible situation, at an impasse, blocked.  When one of you wants power over the other, that's an impossible situation. When one of you won't compromise, that's an impossible situation. When one of you wants control, that's an impossible situation.  When one of you won't discuss problems, that's an impossible situation.  


When one of you stubbornly insists on something the other firmly doesn't want, that's an impossible situation. 


Love cannot be stifled and still be love.


Fear is not love. Love cannot be controlled, forced, persuaded, distracted, restrained, coerced, punished, traded, purchased, sacrificed, and still be love. Addiction is not love. Dependence is not love. Power is not love. Victimization is not love. A contest of wills is not love; it's abuse. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. Love is unconditional. Love FINDS A WAY. That's why relationships are yogas.


One word of advice : if you're in a no-win situation, drop whatever you're doing and RUN, as soon as you realize it.  Do not engage with it. Do not discuss anything with it. Do not argue with it. Stop what you're doing, turn around, and run. And keep running. You can't make it better, you can't negotiate with it rationally, there is no honorable way out, and you'll go down trying. You can't fix abuse with duct tape. Fear is defeated only from within. Worry about how you got into this later. In the meantime, RETREAT, in other words RUN, as fast and as far away as you possibly can. Don't look back. You may or may not recall the biblical story in Genesis 19; during the exodus from Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot's wife, defying instructions, looked back upon the city of Sodom, and became a pillar of salt. 



Love is unconditional boundless infinite energy. Love obeys the laws of physics.


Because differences cause attraction (opposites attract), opposites inevitably produce apparently insurmountable difficulties.


One of you may breath water while the other only breathes air.


Don't give up.



Transcending obstacles is what Love does; love resolves paradoxes by transcending them, because Love is beyond opposites.


Oil and water can mix; it's called "Salad Dressing".  Apparently, any truly irreconcilable impossible situation is really only due to your own fears, as perceived limitations, society's limitations, or genuine evil.  


There are only three stages to the process: coming, going, or enduring.  Love wins because it surmounts considerable obstacles to transcend paradox. Love is living enlightenment.In photosynthesis, plants always seek and follow the light, for light is a form of Love.


Love ALWAYS enlightens.


The trick is to make sure that yours isn't a pyrrhic victory, and for examples of that, see Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, and the movie West Side Story




Thanks for reading.
Best Wishes,
Debra Spencer





Suit Yourself™ International's GUIDE TO LOVE



The Awakening

Understand Your Needs

Find A Common Interest

Announce Your Intentions

The Hunt Or The Chase

Make An Impression

Offer Your Services

Come When Called

Mind Your Manners

Make A Move

The Attachment

Lay Down Ground Rules

The Lost Cause Impossible Situation

You're Never Too Young Or Too Old

Never Forget; Get Your Picture Taken Together



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Suit Yourself™ International Guide To Love All Content is © Debra Spencer, Suit Yourself™ International. Technical Library FAQ Index ISSN 2474-820X. All Rights Reserved. Please do not reproduce in part of in whole without express written consent. Thank you.



All Content is © Debra Spencer, Suit Yourself™ International. Technical Library FAQ Index ISSN 2474-820X. All Rights Reserved. Please do not reproduce in part or in whole without express written consent. Thank you.
All Content is ©2020 Debra Spencer, Appanage™at Suit Yourself ™ International, 120 Pendleton Point, Islesboro Island, Maine, 04848, USA 44n31 68w91 Technical Library FAQ Index ISSN 2474-820X. All Rights Reserved. Please do not reproduce in part or in whole without express written consent. Thank you.

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All Content is ©2020 Debra Spencer, Appanage™at Suit Yourself ™ International, 120 Pendleton Point, Islesboro Island, Maine, 04848, USA 44n31 68w91 Technical Library FAQ Index ISSN 2474-820X. All Rights Reserved. Please do not reproduce in part or in whole without express written consent. Thank you.
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. ~ Winston Churchill